Getting Through Holiday Grief

The holidays can be such a warm and comforting time of year, but sometimes it can also (or instead….) be a struggle with reminders of another year without a little one. Especially since family gatherings can feature little ones of all ages.

So what should you do? How can you get through it?

Learning and Coping

  • Allow yourself to feel sad. Your feelings are real, and living through them is part of the journey. Infertility or grief from a miscarriage is a crisis, and you need to talk about your feelings, whether it’s with your spouse or someone else you support.

  • Accept the traditions of the season: Much of the holiday season centers around a pregnant woman and the birth of her child, and family of all ages gathering around.

  • Coping steps: You’re aware certain situations will be tough, so prepare for them. You can anticipate choices you might have to make in advance (babysitting for your nieces and nephews, rounds of photos of the grandkids with grandma, etc.) Leave early if you need to, take a break during the day, or avoid the baby shower portion of any events.

  • Treatment choices: Some couples choose to take a break from fertility treatments during the holidays. If you’ll have guests and they’re not aware, it might be harder for you, or even if your guests know, will they be able to help out? It’s not a choice to put your life on hold, but a choice to participate in the moment without the strain of going through treatment for a few weeks.

  • Avoid the pain: In the day-to-day of preparing for the holidays, you might see children with the mall Santa, see kids in church presenting a holiday musical, or other situations that are an unexpected twist to your gut. You can shop online, pick a different service, or find other ways to avoid those things that seem trivial but have an impact on you.

We all face struggles during the holidays, and for those of us facing infertility, everything can just seem too painful. If you’d like to talk about ways to cope and explore your options, schedule an appointment or give us a call at 717-747-3099, or click on the button below. Looking for answers now? Check out our free webinar by clicking here.


Dr. Melanie Ochalski

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